SOS
by Scarlett Diva
Summary: Simon finds ways to deal with his emotions - soon falls into downward cycle of despair. Please r/r. FINAL CHAPTER!!! PLEASE READ!!!!
1. Emotions

Prologue  
  
Simon sat in his room wondering about his future. Mary was in Buffalo as a flight attendant, Lucy was becoming a celebrant, Matt was studying Medicine and marrying Sarah, Ruthy planned to be an equestrian and the twins were two young to understand. What about him? He was just a 17-year-old guy with an old catillac and licence just 3 days old. In fact, who was he? He was the reverend's son, Matts brother, the 'good' guy.  
  
No body understood him. No body understood how he felt or what he was thinking. They all thought they did. Everybody thought the scars on his wrist came from a cat that didn't like him. No one realised that he did them himself. Not even his own girlfriend realised. Or should I say ex- girlfriend. She dumped him for Morris. Cheapskate. He had no friends now.  
  
Matt thought that something was wrong. At least someone did. However, matt thought he had an eating disorder cause he had gotten a little thinner. How embarrassing, an eating disorder. I guess he could think of it that at least someone cared.  
  
All he wanted to do though was run away. Run away where someone didn't know him and where could escape his constant pain. It seemed the only time he could do that though was when he was drunk or high. His moments of 'ecstasy' had been coming more and more frequently lately. It had been costing him a lot of cash but... His parents thought that he was baby- sitting when he went to the raves. Last time he went to the rave he ended up with some girl. He didn't even know her name. He felt even worse after because his father always preached against premarital sex in church. Especially drunken premarital sex. The last few weeks had been worse for Simon. His feelings for Morris had become stronger.  
  
Every time he saw him now he giggled like a little schoolgirl. He didn't want to feel this way. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be. He told himself that often. It was the last blow that really sent Simon over the edge. He couldn't hack it any more. He had to get out of there. 


	2. Arguments

Thankyou for the reviews. I own none of the characters except for Halo and Madison.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Simon, get down here." Matt called form the living room as Simon came running down the stairs. "Why does my shirt have sauce on it. I was meant to wear this today. I just washed it! What are you, some kind of animal?"  
  
"I'm sorry Matt but hell if your so are uptight perhaps you should wash at your own place."  
  
"Get over yourself. Stop pretending your some poor little boy who no one cares about. Look, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that but I only washed it last night. Simon I want you to tell me what's going on. Are you anorexic? It's a common problem in today's world."  
  
"Anorexic? What do you think I am you loser! Just butt out of my life. I am not anorexic!"  
  
"Simon, I'm sorry. It's just your so thin lately and so angry. You're not yourself. I want you to know you can always talk to me. About whatever, as long as you don't get sauce on my shirt!" Matt said, trying to be caring and funny at the same time.  
  
"Just fuck off and stay out of my life Matt." Simon yelled and walked off Matt shook his head and left.  
  
Simon stormed off to his room. Anorexic? How could he think that? Look at himself. Bastard. Matt the prodigal son. Everyone cared for him. He needed to get away from this. To get away from his problems. His feelings. Himself.  
  
*****************  
  
9 hours later at 6:00 PM  
  
*****************  
  
"Mom, I gotta baby sitting job tonight. Staying the night. See-you tomorrow." Simon yelled as he was walking through the kitchen door.  
  
"Simon, wait. Baby sitting for whom? I don't like you just staying the night when we don't know them." Annie said. "Mom, it's for the Smith's it's fine. I told you yesterday." Simon said  
  
"OK. You didn't tell me though." Simon walked out the door and jumped in the car. Finally he was free. Now all he needed to do was find the rave.  
  
He arrived there at 8:30 after having some food and checking out girls on Main Street. He found his dealer, Halo, immediately. He paid 50 bucks and got about 2 shots of E. He was gonna have fun tonight he told himself. He took 1 tablet and shoved the other in his pocket. After about 20 minutes he was starting to relax. He started flirting with the girls and one seemed really keen. She said her name was Shari, or maybe Sharon, or Charleen. Who knew? Who cared? She was a babe and Simon wanted her. He started feeling a little excited and had to fight to keep his erection hidden. They were pashing a few minutes later and the next thing Simon remembered was waking up in his car around 4:00 am. He had major effects of the drug still on his body and every muscle ached. The girl was there half- naked. He woke her up and tossed her out of the car. "What have I done?" He said to himself.  
  
He slept the next few hours away and made his way home around 8:00. He dumped all his clothes on the ground and made his way for a long hot shower. Matt was home early this morning. He was helping Mom and picked up Simon's clothes and checked the pockets for tissues or gum like Mom always does. A packet fell out. Matt knew immediately what it was. 


	3. Questioning

I own none of these characters unfortunately. Except for Simon's ex- girlfriend Madison. Thankyou for all your reviews  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Matt pulled the small plastic case out of Simon's pocket. He stared at it for a few minutes wondering if it was real. Simon was really doing Ecstasy? He knew what it was as he often saw it at the clinic. Teenagers came in high and drunk. Often there were traces of drugs still on them. But Simon wasn't just some teenager at the clinic, he was his brother. He sat down on Simon's bed wondering how he would tell Mom and Dad. I mean, he couldn't just go down stairs and yell out; "Hey mom, dad, Simon's doing Ecstasy. Thought you may want to know."  
  
At that moment Simon walked into the room.  
  
"What are you doing." He said to Matt. "That's mine." He grabbed the packet and shoved it in his pocket.  
  
"What is it Simon?" Matt asked wondering if Simon would tell him the truth. Matt gave Simon a hard stare trying to make him feel uncomfortable.  
  
"It's.tablets for my allergies. My hay fever is really bad at the moment. I told you the other day. Now get off my bed, get out of my room and leave me alone." Simon yelled in his defence.  
  
Matt got up and left, shutting the door on the way out. He leant against the door and thought about how he was going to handle the situation with Simon. He decided not to tell Mom and Dad yet as it may only make things worse. Who knows what he would do if Dad knew. He thought back to all the trouble with Mary. He thought that was bad. This was going to be way worse.  
  
Simon sat down on his bed at took out the small pill. "I wonder if he knows?" Simon wondered to himself. "Surely he would have said something if he knew." Oh well. Who cares? In a few days he'll be gone anyway. He just had a few things to tie up with Morris and Madison before he left. 


	4. Loose Ends

Thankyou for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"Madison!" Simon yelled out from the corridor. "Madison, we need to talk."  
  
"No we don't Simon. We're over. I'm with Morris now." She said, unable to look him in the eye.  
  
"I know. I just wanted to check you're all right. After the uhh - baby and all. It was hard on me too. We did the right thing though. Look, I know we're over but we shared a lot together and I just wanted to check that you were OK. If you felt anywhere near the emotions that I felt, look, it was rough on both of us and I thought that we could at least remain friends. I know that that is not possible now but."  
  
"It was 6 months ago Simon, I'm fine. Just leave me alone. I've moved on and so should you." Madison walked away, leaving Simon alone in the corridor.  
  
3 periods later  
  
"Hey Morris, can we talk?" Simon yelled while running after him.  
  
"I don't think that's such a good idea Simon. I'm not sure how Madison would feel plus those rumours going around about us." Morris said, still walking.  
  
"I'll be quick. I just want you to know Madisons been through a lot in the last year. Don't hurt her. Okay? You know, till now you were a really good friend. It is a shame you couldn't stay that way." Simon said, finally getting Morris to stop.  
  
"I know Camden. She told me. Do you really think that I would hurt her? That's insulting. And you were the one who ended our friendship Camden. Not me." Morris said, starting to walk away.  
  
"OK. Fine. But you were the one who stole my girlfriend. Just, look after her, OK? I know you can do that much." Simon walked away and for a change, left Morris standing in the hallway. 


	5. Leaving

Thanks for all your reviews. Once again I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
As Simon got home that day, he found the whole family in the living room.  
  
"Hey Guy's. What's going on?" He said trying to sound cheerful. He feared that Matt had said something. He realised he would have to leave that night or risk the family finding out what he had been doing. He tried to think back to when he first tried E, he thought it was about the time that Madison terminated her pregnancy but he couldn't quite be sure.  
  
"Oh. Uh, Matt and Sarah have set a date. December 15, thats okay with you? Eric said, looking up to Simon.  
  
"Oh yeah sure." He said with a sign of relief. He ran to his room and put his bag down on the floor. He'd been planning this for months now. Now it was time to go he was actually kind of scared. He knew he needed to get away though. He got up and started to get his bag ready. He packed clothes; CD's to sell, a discman, brush (he thought it was lame but he knew he'd need it), and $500 cash. He also stole $80 from his parents. It was about 11:30 when he left. He snuck out through the front door. HE had left a note saying;  
  
Dear Mom, Dad, Everyone,  
  
I'm so sorry. I love you all but I just need to get away. I hope you understand. Don't try and find me. I will call in a week.  
  
Simon  
  
He jumped in his car and started to back out of the driveway. He wasn't sure where he was going. Only that it wasn't Glenoak. Maybe Greenville. At least that way he could maybe crash with Halo.  
  
After about an hour of driving he reached Halo's apartment. He'd only been their once before. He hated the stairs that led up to it. They were old and rickety and he was always afraid he'd fall through. He reached apartment 4 and knocked on the red door. There was alcohol bottles and cigarettes packs everywhere and he swore he sore a rat in the corner. He felt sick just being in a place like this but he knew he'd have to get use to it.  
  
"Halo. You there man? It's Simon. I need a place to crash. Just for a few days."  
  
Halo came to the door.  
  
"What you doin' here mate? It's 12:30. Family Probs? That family of yours always was too good for you. You're much more fun." Halo said, he seemed pretty drunk.  
  
"Thanks. I left home Halo. I just couldn't stand it there anymore. You understand? I just don't fit in there. They don't understand me." He said starting to feel tired. He wondered if anyone had even noticed he'd gone yet.  
  
"I understand. You can sleep on the couch. It was the same with my parents. Come over here, if the pain's that bad let me give you something that'll help. A freebie from me."  
  
Simon followed him into the other room. The room was very similar to the last one, strewn with garbage and a very dim light. In one corner was an old torn lounge. In the other was small dark bookcase, that was full with porn magazines. This was nothing like his house.  
  
"Here. Try this." Halo said, handing Simon the white powder.  
  
"Thanks." Simon said, inhaling the deadly chemicals. 


	6. The camdens have news

I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo. Thankyou for all your reviews.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
"Simon, its 8:45. Why aren't you up yet?" Annie said while walking into his room. "Simon?" She walked over to the unmade bed and read the note, which said;  
  
Dear Mom, Dad, Everyone,  
  
I'm so sorry. I love you all but I just need to get away. I hope you understand. Don't try and find me. I will call in a week.  
  
Simon  
  
"Eric. Eric get in here now." Annie yelled through the doorway. The panic was starting to rise in her voice.  
  
"What sweetheart?" Eric said, casually entering the doorway.  
  
"Eric. Simon's gone. He's ran away." She handed him the letter.  
  
He read the note and they looked at each other in a brief despairing glance. "Lucy, Ruthy, come here. Eric get Sam and David." Annie yelled while running downstairs.  
  
After they were all settled in the living room Annie handed Lucy the note, who passed it on to Ruthy and said; "Does anybody know where Simon is? Don't try and protect him kids. If you know where he is and you're just not telling me there will be hell to pay." She tried to look calm and collected but her eyes gave away her fear. When none of them answered, she got up and said, "I'm calling Detective Michaels." She ran away to the phone.  
  
Eric, Lucy, Ruthy, Sam and David all sat in the living room wondering what could have caused Simon to do this. Matt walked in the front door and said cheerfully; "Hello everybody, isn't it a wonderful day.what's going on?" he asked noticing everybody's dour expression. Ruthy handed him the letter. After reading it he said to himself, "He didn't. Oh my goodness. I should have talked to him." He started fiddling with his top button.  
  
"What do you mean you should have talked to him Matt? Was there something going on that we didn't know about?" Annie asked, suddenly starting to get angry with Matt. She was rarely ever angry with Matt. Only whenever he had done something really awful, like destroy her grandmother's vase would she feel any sort of frustration towards him.  
  
"Uhh.I'm sorry Mom. I should have told you earlier but I thought it might make it worse. I found Ecstasy in Simon's pocket last week. Also, you know those cuts on his arm from that cat. I don't think it was from a cat. I think he did it himself. We see heaps of those kinds of injuries down at the clinic. I should have told you but." Matt confessed.  
  
"And you didn't tell me? You didn't tell me that my little boy was on drugs and cutting himself? How could you do this to me Matt? I thought you knew better then this. I trusted you. How did you think it would be better by not telling us? My little boy is gone now and it is all your fault Matt. All your fault. What were you thinking?" Annie screamed. She was irrational now. Eric was starting to hold her back.  
  
"I'm sorry Mom. I really am. I thought it might make him worse if you guys new. I thought it might send him over the edge." Matt said, tears starting to well in his eyes.  
  
"Send him over the edge? Over the Edge? And drugs weren't doing that? My Goodness, Matt." Annie screamed again.  
  
Detective Michaels knocked on the door.  
  
Annie rushed to open it.  
  
"Oh thank Goodness you're here Mike. Simon's gone. He ran away. Matt just told me he was also.on drugs. I can't believe this is happening. This is my family. This doesn't happen to my family. Mike can you find him. Can you?" Annie said barely giving herself time to breathe.  
  
"Annie, Eric. Calm down. A lot of kids run away from home. A lot come home of there own accord. I gather he took his catillac so we'll search for that. I'll also check out local suspected dealers to see if he is staying with one of them. If he really is on drugs I'm sure someone will have seen him. I'm sure he's fine. We can't file a report until 24 hours but I'll do the best I can." Detective Michaels reassured her.  
  
"Thanks Mike." Annie and Eric said, their mouths showing no expression.  
  
"I should have paid more attention to him. I can't believe I let this happen." Annie muttered to herself. 


	7. A new Home

I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo. Thankyou for all your reviews. I apologise if I gross any of you out in this chapter. It contains Slash.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
"Hey Simon. That stuff help last night?" Halo said, walking out to what he called the kitchen. The kitchen consisted of a fridge, old oven and small bench. You couldn't even see the floor. As he opened the fridge you could see that the only thing in it was beer and some white powder, unknown to Simon.  
  
"Yeah, thanks Halo. Not such a great morning after affect though." Simon said straitening out his stiff neck.  
  
"Anytime, man."  
  
"Thanks for letting me crash here Halo. I just can't go home. I can't stand it there anymore."  
  
"I know what you mean, my boy. I was the same." Halo said stroking Simon's hair. "You're such a nice boy Simon. You can stay with me anytime."  
  
"Thanks." Simon said, starting to feel a little uncomfortable. It frightened him that he liked the way Halo touched him. He wasn't meant to touch him like that. Nor was Simon supposed to like the way he touched him. His feeling of awkwardness was now being replaced but feelings of pleasure.  
  
"Don't be afraid, my boy. It's natural to have these feelings." Halo said while puffing a cigarette. Simon closed his eyes and imagined himself making love to Halo.  
  
"I'm gonna have a shower Simon. Care to uhh.join me? I mean, I do deserve some sort of reward for that stuff last night and for letting you crash here. Don't' I?" Halo said, mesmerising Simon.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose." Simon followed him into the bathroom. Halo started to undress. His body mesmerised Simon. Halo turned on the hot water and took off his trousers.  
  
"Don't be scared Simon. Come on in." he said, starting to unbutton Simon's shirt. The next thing Simon knew, he was in the shower with Halo making out. He loved the feeling or rush it gave him. He never felt this with girls. After a few minutes halo grabbed him and shoved him against the shower wall. He forced himself inside Simon. Simon didn't object, he loved every minute of it. They both made loving noises for the next few hours. They spent the rest of the morning in Halo's bed, teaching each other what they liked.  
  
5 hours later  
  
"I love you Simon." Halo said stroking Simon's hair.  
  
"I love you to Halo."  
  
"You are going to the rave tonight right? Theirs gonna be this new stuff there, meant to last for 8 hours."  
  
"Yeah I'm going. I wouldn't miss it." Simon replied, smiling at Halo. He felt like he finally belonged somewhere. That someone finally wanted him.  
  
Halo got up and left the apartment. He left Simon feeling alive again. He also felt depressed though. What would his father think of his behaviour? Oh well, he's not going to know is he? It's not like hes going home. He started to wonder why he left in the first place. He knew he couldn't go home. He'd stay with Halo for the next few weeks. This would be his home and sanctuary. Besides, he loved Halo. Didn't he? 


	8. Chad

I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo. Thankyou for all your reviews.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Matt sat in his parent's living room. If only he had told them. He may have stopped this. He could be living on the streets now. One thing he was sure of, he would be going to the next rave. He knew that Simon needed to have some fun. Perhaps Chad would know where some are. It's a long shot but he did use to go to them. He walked over to the phone and punched in Chad's numbers. It rang twice before Chad answered.  
  
"Chad. Hey it's Matt Camden here. Look, I need some information. I know you use to visit the raves."  
  
"Hey man, my drug days are over. I'm married now."  
  
"I know. I know. I just need to know where they are tonight or tomorrow. Do you have any idea?"  
  
"Why? You're not.are you?"  
  
"No, not me. My brother, Simon. He's ran away and I'm sure he'll be at a rave tonight."  
  
"Simon? Pretty boy Simon? My God. Look, I heard theirs a big on at Greenville tonight. Some old warehouse. That's all I know." Chad replied  
  
"Thanks Chad. You're a great help. I owe you." Matt hung up the phone.  
  
Tonight he was going to Greenville. Hopefully, to help his brother. 


	9. The rave

Thankyou for all your reviews. I own none f these characters except for Halo and Madison.  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Matt arrived at the rave around 10:00pm. He was shocked how many people were there. How on earth was he meant to find Simon? He asked a few people if they had seen him but they were all to drunk or high to answer. A few people offered him things to help in relax. He refused. He was disgusted that Simon could fall into this crowd.  
  
After about an hour of searching for Simon, he was thinking of giving up. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Simon wasn't at a rave. The music was deafening. A few people moved and suddenly he saw Simon. Over in the corner.making out with some guy, The guy looked a lot older, like 30. He couldn't believe his eyes. Simon was gay.or bi anyway. Suddenly everything made sense though. His friendship with Morris and his obsession with Chad. He walked over to Simon and the guy. Simon was obviously high.  
  
"Simon. Simon what are you doing?" Matt asked, disgusted by what he saw.  
  
"Matt?" he asked, not able to concentrate because of the drug.  
  
"Hey man, get away. He's mine." Halo yelled at Matt.  
  
"He's yours? Get away from my brother you pervert." Matt said, shocked of this man's possessiveness.  
  
"Oh, you must be Matt. Simon's told me all about you. You're that doctor with the pretty fiance." Halo said, finally recognising him.  
  
"Simon, we're going home. Come on." He ordered Simon, starting to put his arm around him. "Come on Simon."  
  
"Can't you see? He doesn't want to come. He wants to stay with me Matty. He left for a reason. Now he's with me." Halo said, making Matt look like an idiot.  
  
"Matt, I'm not going home. I can't. I'm staying here with Halo. I'm sorry but this is my life." Simon said slowly.  
  
"Simon, Mom and Dad are worried about you. We all are." He said trying to convince Simon to come home.  
  
"You don't understand. I'll call in a few days." Simon said, walking off with Halo. He left Matt stunned and bewildered. He couldn't give up on Simon. Not now. Not when he was so close. But there was nothing he could do tonight. 


	10. Staples

Thankyou for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison. Sorry this chapter is so short.  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Simon so desperately wanted to go home with Matt. He knew he couldn't though. The thought of hurting his family like this made him hate himself even more.  
  
He went to the bathroom and got out the staples that he had hid in the cupboard. He had only been there 2 days and he was already hiding stuff. As he got the staples out he held up his left arm and dragged them along. Deep enough for blood, not deep enough for permanent scars. The blood helped clear his mind and took away the pain. It gave him a rush.  
  
He wished he could turn back time. A bit like that song, who was it by again, Alanis Morrisette?  
  
"If only I could turn back time. If only I could change what has been done."  
  
But he couldn't. 


	11. Coming out

Thankyou for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison.  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Matt couldn't believe he just let Simon leave with that guy. What would he tell Mom and Dad? And Lucy, Mary and Ruthy? Simon's gay and living with some druggie. How did he let this happen? Simon was always so happy. After the problems with Mary he thought they'd all realise the consequences. He thought he should call Madison later. Perhaps she might know something.  
  
"Uhh. Mom, Dad? I uhh.saw Simon last night. He was at a rave." Matt said as they entered the door after a few hours of looking for him.  
  
"Oh my gosh. You found him? Where is he? Is he here? Is he in the car? Where's my baby boy?" Annie asked suddenly ecstatic by the thought of Simon being home.  
  
"Mom. Mom! He's not here. He wouldn't come home. He was high and.making out with this guy. He was like 30 and well.he and Simon are.gay. He went home with the guy." Matt said, his eyes welling up with tears again.  
  
"What do you mean gay Matt?" Annie asked  
  
"I mean gay. Homosexual. I'm so sorry." Matt replied in a solemn voice.  
  
"Father, son, Holy Spirit. Amen" Eric said, doing the hand actions to make the sign of the cross.  
  
"Oh my goodness." Annie said shocked.  
  
"I'm so sorry mom." Matt said as he put his arms around her.  
  
"Simon's Gay?" Lucy and Ruthy aid in unison as they came down the stairs. "Is that right?" Said Lucy.  
  
"Where did you two come from? You weren't meant to hear that." Eric said, annoyed at his two youngest girls.  
  
"Sorry dad. We thought you had found Simon and well we came downstairs and we over heard." Lucy answered for both of them.  
  
"I suppose you were going to find out sooner or later." Eric said, sighing.  
  
"Are you sure it's what you think Matt?" Annie asked hoping for him to say he was wrong.  
  
Matt nodded. "I should have followed him home with that guy mom. I was just so shocked to think.I.I.I'm sorry guys."  
  
"It's OK sweetheart." Annie said, sympathetic. She was no longer angry with Matt, more at herself. The fact that Matt thought that them knowing would send him over the edge was too much to cope with.  
  
"He was at a rave in Greenville. I hoped he might be there so I went to look. I found him high and making out with this 30-year-old guy mom. I can't believe he did this. I mean I thought after Mary and all, I thought he'd learnt." Matt said. "I'm going to call Madison. She may have some information."  
  
"Good idea Matt." said Eric, walking slowly up to his room. It was amazing, how a few days could change a person so much. His father was no longer the father he knew, but an old man in disguise. 


	12. Madison

Thankyou for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo.  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Matt punched in Madisons numbers on the telephone. It rang 3 times before she answered.  
  
"Hello?" Madison answered  
  
"Hey Madison? It's Matt Camden here. Can we talk?"  
  
"Uhh.I guess. Did Simon tell you to call because you know we've broken up."  
  
"Yeah I know. Simon didn't ask me to call. As you might know, Simon's ran away. He's on drugs and well, I need your help. Please tell me everything you know. Please." He begged Madison.  
  
"I can't. I promised I wouldn't."  
  
"Please Madison. He's in trouble."  
  
"OK." Madison said hesitantly. "But don't tell him I told you. About 8 months ago.Simon and I fell pregnant. I had an abortion but Simon didn't take it real well. He started out taking pot and gradually moved on to heavier stuff. I told him to stop but.. Please don't tell my parents."  
  
"I won't. I can't believe it. Thank you so much Madison. One more thing. Do you know who his dealer was?" Matt asked  
  
"His name was Halo. I think he lived in Greenville. We didn't talk about it much."  
  
"Thanks." Matt hung up.  
  
Simon got Madison pregnant? Something's you never pick. Halo-what an unappropriated name for a dealer. 


	13. Simon calls

Thanks for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo.  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Simon had been gone for four days now. He thought hwe should call his parents. He punched in his number, which he knew well. Matt picked up the phone after 2 rings.  
  
"Simon? Is it you?" Matt asked eager.  
  
"Yeah, Matt. I told you I'd call. I'm sorry about the other night. I can't come home though. You know that. Did you uhh.tell them?" Simon asked.  
  
"Yeah Simon I did. You know I can't keep this from them. They are so disappointed but they still want you home. We all do. I also know about you and Madison and the baby. It's a tough thing. It's hard. Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you see a psychologist?"  
  
"See a psychologist? See a psychologist? You really are the prodigal son because you have no idea what you're talking about." Simon said, insulted and shocked that Matt knew. "Have you told dad?"  
  
"No but I'm going to. Please come home Simon, please. We love you. Look I'll put you on to dad, perhaps he can convince you." Matt said, sad yet excited to here his brother's voice.  
  
"If you have to." Simon said, nervous about what his father would say. He heard Matt yelling out for his father and suddenly his father was on the phone. HE didn't think his father had ever ran so fast.  
  
"Simon? Simon is that you?" Eric asked, even more eager then Matt.  
  
"Yeah, it's me dad. It's Simon," He said slowly  
  
"Oh thank goodness your alive. I, we've all been so worried about you. Thank god your alive. After what Matt said. Is it true Simon? Are you.gay?" Eric asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.  
  
"Yeah dad. It's true. I'm sorry. I can't talk long. I just wanted to say that I'm OK and that I'm really sorry but I can't come home. I can't stand the pain there any longer. Look, I gotta go. See-ya". Simon said, not wanting to leave his fathers voice.  
  
"Simon don't go. We'll take the pain away. Just come home. Where are you staying and who is that pervert that you're with? Simon-don't go." Eric said suddenly worried that that would be the last time he ever heard his voice.  
  
"Good bye Dad. Tell everyone I love them and I'm sorry." Simon hung up the phone. He didn't want to hang up but he knew he had to or he may be convinced to come home or let something slip about where he was. 


	14. Thoughts

Thank you for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo. I hope you enjoy this story. Please continue to tell me your opinions.  
  
Chapter 14  
  
Simon felt even worse after having spoken to his father. He thought he would have felt better but instead he felt awful, like he had hurt and disappointed his family once again. His left arm was beginning to look like a tangled mess after all the times of cutting it, with staples and knives. He had recently moved on to knives because he felt they helped clear his mind easier. Seeing the blood and felling the pain was the only thing that took the feeling of anguish and depression.  
  
Halo was so good letting him stay at his place. He never realized quite how helpful Halo was. He was really helping him, giving him freebies all the time and making him feel like he was at least worth something. However every time he thought about his family, Halo just seemed like a distant blur that didn't really matter.  
  
He wondered if Mary knew yet? Probably. She wouldn't leave Buffalo though. Not for him. She was only just getting her life back on track, she wouldn't come and watch him stuff up his.  
  
He needed to get out of the house for a while. Well, it wasn't really a house. It was a room-with rats. It was his home anyway. He would be living here for the next few months with Halo.  
  
He decided to go to the rave in Greenville tonight. It started in about an hour. He needed to clear his head. He knew Halo wasn't going tonight so he thought that perhaps he could pick up some girl like he did a few weeks ago. God knows he hadn't been with a girl in a month.  
  
He wondered how Morris was holding up. If he cared that he was gone? If he even knew? He hoped he was looking after Madison. Thinking about Madison made him start thinking about the child that they had lost. He should have stopped Madison. They could have raised the baby together. Her parents would have killed her though. And his parents would have killed him. He guessed everything turned out for the best. He had to find Halo to tell him about the rave. 


	15. Accidents

Thankyou for all your reviews. Sorry these chapters are so short and remember I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison.  
  
Chapter 15  
  
Simon had told Halo he was going to the rave. He said he might meet him there later on but he had other things to do first. He was meeting up with some guys and dealing. "Easy cash" he'd always said, but Simon was always worried he'd be caught. What would he do then? He'd have to live on the street.  
  
He decided not to think about it as he hopped in his car. His car was a mess. It had rubbish and food wrappings all over the seats. The blue outside was covered in bird droppings and one of his headlights had been smashed. He thought he should clean it up on the weekend. He quickly cleaned out the back seat just throwing things on the floor and under seats. As long as there was nothing there it was fine.  
  
He backed out of the cracked concrete driveway of where he was staying. The road was quiet at this time of night. It was 11:00 PM and hardly anyone was out. He liked the road like that. He could always drive faster then he was supposed to. He started to press down harder on the accelerator as he flew around the corner. 50km.60km.70km.80km.90km. He was speeding up and down the roads. The music was blaring at full volume. He loved this feeling of freedom.  
  
Suddenly as he turned the corner onto Lurn Street, another car, a BMW, came speeding alone. They crashed and Simon's car sped out of control. His car twisted and turned as it sped along the dark roads. Simon tried to control the car but he couldn't. It was too strong. CRASH. Suddenly the car stopped, hitting an old tree. His head flopped against the steering wheel. He lost consciousness as the BMW sped away. 


	16. The talk

Thankyou for all your reviews. Sorry the chapters are so short and remember I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison.  
  
Chapter 16  
  
The last thing Simon remembered was getting in his car to go to the rave. Now he was in hospital in intensive care. His head was pounding, his ribs ached, and leg was in a cast. He heard the doctor say he had been slipping in and out of consciousness the last few days. He had no idea how long he had been in there. All he knew was that he didn't want to be there.  
  
He slowly opened his eyes, the light not helping his head. He'd never had a migraine but he imagined this is what it felt like-times 10. He turned his head slowly to the left, to see Matt sleeping in the chair. He turned his head back to the centre and closed his eyes, not wanting to talk to Matt right now. He wasn't up for a lecture. It was too late though. Matt had seen him.  
  
"Simon? Simon you're awake?" Matt asked, half excited, half scared.  
  
"Unfortunately yes." Simon answered groggily  
  
"Oh Thank goodness." He said letting out a sigh of relief. "We were so worried about you. The others are at home or in the cafeteria. You've been out to it for 5 days. When we heard you were in an accident." Simon cut him off.  
  
"Spare me the pity Matt. I really don't care and neither do you." He said, nastily.  
  
"Simon? We all care. Honestly. I don't know what we did to make you think we hate you so much. We all love you and care about you." He said, leaning closer into the bed.  
  
"Yeah, well, I don't care. Why couldn't you just let me die in that crash? It would have been better for all of us." Simon said, closing his eyes, unable to look at his brother.  
  
"How can you say that? That would be the worse possible thing that could happen. Don't you ever say that again. You hear that? No matter what you think, we all love you. There is nothing you could do that would change that. Look, you're coming home with us when you're discharged. You're not going back to that bastards apartment." Matt told him. "Can't you see what he's done to you Simon? Look what you've become. I know what those cuts on your arms are from, and those ones of your stomach and legs. I'm not blind. Do you understand me now?"  
  
"Whatever. Just let me sleep." Simon said as he closed his eyes again. He had tears rolling down his cheeks. He heard Matt leave the room. Probably to get Dad and the others. He was not looking forward to that. 


	17. The cafeteria

Thankyou for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo. Sorry these chapters are so short.  
  
Chapter 17  
  
"Dad, Mom, he's awake. But he's not exactly great company at the moment." Matt said, walking into the old cafeteria. Matt had always found hospital cafeterias depressing, there white walls, stainless steel benches. It reminded him of an operating room.  
  
"Oh thank goodness. Is he OK? I'm going to see him." Annie said, starting to walk quickly towards intensive care.  
  
"Mom, mom, wait, Robbie's in there now. Let him have some time. I told him he was coming home with us after he's discharged, but he uhh.he brushed me off." Matt said looking down.  
  
"It's OK matt, It's not your fault. He is coming home. We'll make sure of that. Don't worry. He's safe now. Has he seen his uhh.dealer?" Eric said, unsure on how to say the word dealer. He said it like it was some kind of disease.  
  
"Not that I know of. But who knows anything with Simon now? He's so damned wrapped up in his own life that he can't see clearly. I love him but I'm not sure how much more I can take Dad. I mean, he's so.ugh, I can't describe it." Matt said, just starting to vent his anger. He didn't realise quite how angry he had been at Simon.  
  
"It's OK son, but he's going to get better. I promise you." Eric said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We're going to get him off drugs, into counselling and we'll give him all the support he needs. You got that?"  
  
"Yeah Dad. Robbie's probably out now if you want to go up." Matt said, in a low solemn voice.  
  
"Thanks." Both Eric and Annie said at the same time whilst walking out of the cafeteria, arm in arm.  
  
Matt sat down at one of the benches. He wondered how he let this happen, and how Simon let this happen. He just couldn't control anything anymore. Something that he always thought he could do. "I'm sorry Simon." He thought to himself. "I'm sorry." 


	18. Home

Thankyou for all your reviews. I own none of these characters except for Madison and Halo. Sorry the chapters are short!  
  
Chapter 18  
  
Simon spent a week in hospital before he was discharged. Everyday there was someone with him, whether it was Matt, Robbie, Eric or Annie, he was never alone. He couldn't stand it. He needed to see Halo, he needed the E. It was the only time he felt good about himself.  
  
It was Matt who took him home from the hospital. Eric and Annie had to work. Only a few words were passed between them and the rest of the journey was filled with an uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Do you really want to die Simon? Is your life that bad?" Matt asked. His eyes were starting to fill with tears.  
  
"What do you think?" Simon replied staring at the road ahead.  
  
Matt stayed silent after that, but let a tear roll down his cheek. He couldn't stand the pain Simon was suffering. He wished he could take it all away. But he knew he couldn't. He also knew it was going to take some serious counselling and drug rehab to bring back the old Simon. The happy Simon.  
  
As soon as they got home, Simon went to his room and just lied on his bed. He didn't want to be there. He hated it here. He wanted to be with his family but his family only made him feel worse. He needed to be with Halo. Halo hadn't even come and seen him in hospital though. He'd called him and left countless messages on his phone. Not even a message left at front desk. Perhaps he didn't want him either. No one wanted him.  
  
He hopped in the shower later that night. He loved the boiling water on his back. He started to remember his first time with Halo in the shower. How he wished he was back there again. With Halo caressing his back. But he wasn't. He was stuck here and tomorrow he was stuck in counselling. 


	19. Counselling

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters in this story are borrowed from the TV show "7th Heaven". I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison. No money is being made from this story. Any resemblance of a character in this story to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. Likewise, any resemblance between an organisation depicted in this story and any such actual organisation is purely coincidental.  
  
Thankyou for all your reviews.  
  
Chapter 19  
  
Simon hadn't said a word all morning. He hadn't came out of his room voluntarily either. He just sat in there till midday when Matt came in and pulled him out. His counselling appointment was at 1:00.  
  
"Counselling. What a shit load of fun that will be!" Simon thought to himself. He didn't want to go. But he knew he had no choice. His car had been totaled in the accident so he couldn't just go away again. He hated the way Matt pitied him. It made him feel weak and Simon had learnt at a young age that feeling weak was a bad thing. It made you vulnerable.  
  
"Come on Simon-we're going." Matt said unable to look Simon in the eye.  
  
Simon simply followed him. He didn't object, he just obeyed.  
  
When he got there, he was sent strait in to the doctor's room and Matt waited outside.  
  
"Well, you must be Simon Camden. Nice to meet you." Doctor Welsh held out his hand for Simon to shake it but Simon simply stared at it. Doctor Welsh was a tall man, about 6'3. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes. He had round glasses and was obviously around the age of 50. Simon saw a photo of what he assumed was his family on the desk. It was hard to look around though. The blinds were closed and it was very dark.  
  
"Well. Okay, I'll start the talking. From what your parents told me, you ran away, got hooked on Ecstasy, moved in with your drug dealer, started a homosexual relationship with him, went out, got in a car accident and was taken home. Is that correct?" Doctor Welsh asked.  
  
Simon nodded.  
  
"This is going to be a tough nut to crack." The doctor thought.  
  
"Well that's quite a story. I bet your family disapproved of your relationship with this Drug dealer."  
  
Simon simply nodded again  
  
"I know my family did when I entered a relationship with my step brother."  
  
Simon's eyes widened. Doctor Welsh, a man, entered a relationship with his stepbrother? Doctors weren't meant to tell their patients this kind of stuff. They were meant to talk about the patient, not them. Simon didn't say anything.  
  
"Shocked aren't you? I thought you would be." Doctor Welsh said looking Simon in the eye.  
  
Simon and Doctor Welsh talked about their relationships like they had known each other for years. Finally, an hour was up and Simon left with Matt. When Matt asked how the session went, Simon just said OK. Matt figured that was a good sign. 


	20. Loss of love

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters in this story are borrowed from the TV show "7th Heaven". I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison. No money is being made from this story. Any resemblance of a character in this story to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. Likewise, any resemblance between an organisation depicted in this story and any such actual organisation is purely coincidental.  
  
Thankyou for all your reviews.  
  
Authors note: I know the last chapter was kind of weird but hopefully this is better.  
  
Chapter 20  
  
It had been a week now since he Simon had returned home from the hospital. He had spoken to Halo once. Only briefly on the phone, halo apologised for not seeing him and Simon forgave him. His parents didn't know that though. Nor did anyone else for that matter. He had seen Dr. Welsh a few times now. He really liked Dr. Welsh, he was easy to talk to. Especially since his illicit affair with his stepbrother.  
  
The phone rang downstairs. Matt answered it and handed it to Simon saying it was the hospital. They both assumed it was about his recent crash. Insurance or something.  
  
"Hello?" Simon asked in to the telephone.  
  
"Hello. Is this Simon Camden? I'm afraid we have some bad news. A man called Halone Caldwell came into emergency after having overdosed on amphetamines. He passed away sometime this morning but last night he was calling out your name." The young woman on the phone said. She sounded sympathetic but Simon knew she wasn't really. It was just her job.  
  
"Oh My Goodness." Simon said, with tears in his eyes. He had figured that Halone Caldwell must be Halo. Besides who else that he knew would have overdosed. Halo was dead. Matt looked at him with a querying look. "Thankyou." Simon said, his voice barely recognisable.  
  
He hung up the phone and looked at a puzzled Matt. "Halo's dead." He said, trying to hold back the tears. He ran up to his room leaving Matt shocked and confused in the kitchen. He buried his head in his pillows and cried.and cried.and cried.  
  
How could Halo do this to him? He was just speaking to him the other day. It seems like only yesterday that they made love for the first time. He could still feel his hands caressing his back and his body. He could feel his loving, warm, experienced tongue inside his mouth. What was he to do now? Without Halo? The family came in later and just said 'we're sorry' and left. They didn't care. They didn't understand. Halo was his first love. He loved him more then any one could imagine. He didn't realise that at first but he did now. And he was gone, and never coming back.  
  
He started to think about all the times that he had done amphetamines. Countless times. Same with Halo. How was he going to cope with the loss of the one good thing in his life? He loved him. His family would never understand though. Never.  
  
  
  
Will Simon go back to drugs or will he straiten himself out. You tell me. I need ideas people! 


	21. Black

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters in this story are borrowed from the TV show "7th Heaven". I own none of these characters except for Halo and Madison. No money is being made from this story. Any resemblance of a character in this story to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. Likewise, any resemblance between an organisation depicted in this story and any such actual organisation is purely coincidental.  
  
Thankyou for all your reviews and tips.  
  
I think this chapter will be longer!  
  
Chapter 21  
  
It had been three days since Simon had learnt of Halo's death. He had spent the whole three days in his room, coming down only at dinnertime. The family didn't understand what he was going through. Matt felt sorry for him, but he still didn't understand. None of them knew what he felt. Losing his first love.  
  
He had started taking excessive amounts of the pill he was meant to be taking since his accident. Vicodin, he thought it was called. He didn't feel as much pain, physical or emotional, when he had it. His parents didn't know this. They were too busy focusing on things on at the church.  
  
He picked up the phone and started to dial Morris's number. Then hung up. He couldn't call Morris. He was dating Madison. He was strait. He was taken. He was his EX-best friend. What would he say anyway? "Uhh.hey it's Simon. Yeah, I'm back home now and my gay partner is dead but I've always had a crush on you so you uhh wanna hook up?" As if. There was no one he could call.  
  
He wasn't looking forward to his counselling session that afternoon. He had tried to get out of it but his parents were making him go. They thought he needed it right now. They were probably right. Still, he wasn't up to talking to anyone today. Not even Dr. Welsh.  
  
All he wanted was Halo. But he knew he couldn't have him.  
  
5 hours later at Counselling  
  
"Hello Simon." Dr. Welsh said looking up from his files. "How are you feeling today?"  
  
"Fine." Simon lied.  
  
"You don't sound it. What happened?" Dr Welsh asked as he swung around in his old leather chair. The office was nicely decorated in a French provincial style. Simon layed there on an old white love seat and stared at the cream ceiling. The room was much lighter then his first session.  
  
"Halo, my boyfriend/dealer, OD'd a few days ago. He wasn't exactly my boyfriend, he saw other people but.I think I loved him." Simon said, his eyes filling up with tears.  
  
"I understand. It's hard to lose people you love. Especially when you only knew them for a little while. How does your family feel about this?"  
  
"They don't understand. Matt pity's me. I just wish they would accept me and accept my grieving. They don't realise that I loved him. They like the fact that he's dead." Simon said, he was fully crying now.  
  
"That's it Simon, let it all out. Cry all you want." Dr. Welsh said passing him a tissue.  
  
Simon and Dr. Welsh talked about Halo for the next hour. When Simon left he was feeling a lot better. He was glad that he had gone. At least Dr. Welsh understood, unlike his family.  
  
The next morning, he took double the amount of vicodin pills he was supposed to. He slept most of the day away. He awoke feeling cloudy and dizzy. He figured he had taken too many, he made a mental note to take less tomorrow. He got to his feet. He opened the door and saw Matt down the hallway.  
  
"Are you OK Simon?" He asked, giving Simon a puzzling look.  
  
Though at first, his image of Matt was clear, his vision rapidly began to blur. One moment Simon was looking at his brother Matt and the next moment he was looking at the ceiling. A sharp pain stabbed at his stomach. Seeing the now fuzzy Matt Camden run down the hall, Simon wondered what the emergency was. He tried to stand, but his legs wouldn't support him. They only crumbled under his weight. The room was now a white-and-grey haze.  
  
He felt his heart begin to race, as though it was beating out of his chest. Gasping for air, Simon flailed his arms about uselessly. Then he went into shock. Everything turned black.  
  
  
  
DOES SIMON DIE? 


	22. Back Again

DISCLAIMER- This is a work of fiction. The characters in this story are borrowed from the TV show "7th Heaven". I own no characters except for Halo, Madison and Dr. Welsh. No money is being made from this story. Any resemblance of a character in this story to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. Likewise, any resemblance between an organisation depicted in this story and any such actual organisation is purely coincidental.  
  
"Mom, Dad, Simon's collapsed." Matt yelled out as he ran to the limp Simon. He prayed he was all right. One minute he had been fine, the next he was on the floor, gasping for air.  
  
"What happened?" Annie said as she ran up the stairs, shortly followed by Eric. "Oh my gosh, Eric call 911." She rushed to his side and started stroking his hair. "Everything is going to be OK. What have you taken Simon? Simon? Tell us what you took."  
  
Simon's hand started to unfold. Matt took out a small bottle of Vicodin. He opened it up to find it empty. "Simon, did you take these? Mom, it's his medication, it's empty."  
  
Eric rushed up the stairs. "They're on their way. Simon, Simon how are you?" Simon's eyes were now closed. He could barely breathe. His chest kept rising in short loud breaths. "Keep your eyes open Simon. Come on, talk to us." Eric tapped his face lightly.  
  
The paramedics rushed up the stairs. As they lifted him on to the stretcher, Matt handed them the bottle, telling them he took them. Matt hopped in the ambulance with him. Annie and Eric followed closely behind in the car as he was rushed to St. Mercy hospital.  
  
Once Simon was stable, Matt said to him. "God, Simon. What were you thinking? I thought you were getting better. How can you keep doing this too yourself? I mean, I thought Dr. Welsh was helping. What is it Simon? What do you want? You're not just hurting yourself here. You're hurting all of us. I love you Simon. And I know you know that."  
  
"I'm Sorry. I love - you - too." Simon managed to gasp out as he took off his oxygen mask. He was almost at St. Mercy. "I don't want to die Matt."  
  
"I don't want you to die either little man. I love you. You're not going to die. Not today." Matt leant over and wrapped his arms around Simon. Perhaps he was finally realising that he was loved. Perhaps he was getting better. Saying that he loved him had to be a good sign. He hoped.  
  
As soon as they arrived, Simon was rushed into the emergency room. The doctors made him swallow ash, saying that hopefully it would counter act the drug. Six nurses and two doctors huddled around him. Matt and his parents sat outside the room, praying that he was all right. Matt explained to his parents what Simon had said in the ambulance and how he didn't want to die.  
  
A tall, middle aged doctor came out of the room. From his expression, you were unable to determine whether he was the bearer of good or bad news. Annie and Eric immediately stood up. "Is he OK? Is Simon OK?" Asked a frantic Annie. 


	23. Results

Disclaimer: Thankyou for all your reviews. I own no characters except for Halo, Dr. Welsh and Madison.  
  
"Mr and Mrs Camden?" The doctor asked as he came out of the room, holding what was assumed to be Simon's chart. "Simon is going to be fine. He cut it close there. He appeared to have overdosed on Vicodin, a drug that was prescribed after his accident. Would you like to see him?"  
  
"Yes, thankyou so much. Thank Goodness he's going to be fine." Annie said, looking first at the doctor then at Eric. She followed the doctor into Simon's room. Matt and Eric followed closely behind. Her face showed how relieved she was that he was OK. "Oh my God." Annie said, after having seen Simon attached to all the machines and tubes. She saw the heart monitor by his bed, beeping each time his heart beat.  
  
"Simon? How are you?" "I'm...so...sorry mom. I love you. Sorry." Simon managed to gasp out. He appeared drowsy, he'd just been dosed with morphine.  
  
"Its OK, sweetie. It's OK. Everything is all right now. Everything's fine. Matt and your father are also here. Go to sleep now." She said, stroking his hair. "I'm sorry Matt, Dad. I'm so sorry." He managed to murmur just before falling asleep. Simon fell quietly asleep while Annie, Eric and Matt gathered around his bed. Each blamed themselves for what he did, but each felt that everything was back to normal. Everything was going to be OK, they hoped.  
  
They each knew their was a long way to go until Simon was OK again but they thought he was finally ready.  
  
REVIEWS? 


	24. Explanations

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters in this story are borrowed from the TV show "7th Heaven". I own no characters except for Halo, Madison and Dr. Welsh. No money is being made from this story. Any resemblance of a character in this story to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. Likewise, any resemblance between an organisation depicted in this story and any such actual organisation is purely coincidental.  
  
Thankyou for all your reviews. They mean a lot to me.  
  
Chapter 24:  
  
It was a week after the overdose that Simon returned home. Every one was edgy around him. Even Robbie wasn't his usual self. Everyone tried to make him happy, and tried to convince him to talk. Nothing worked though. He spent most of his time sleeping or when he did wake, it was only to eat. He didn't talk, he didn't do anything. Matt blamed himself. He should have taken better care of him, been a better big brother. But everyone blamed themselves, even Ruthy.  
  
"Mom, Dad, we need to talk. I need to tell you the truth about everything or else I'll never be happy." Simon said. His parents were shocked, as it was the first time in weeks that he had talked. "Can you sit down?" He didn't want to have to tell them, but he felt he had too.  
  
As Annie, Eric and Matt gathered in the living room, Robbie, Lucy and Ruthy sat at the stairs listening to every word they could hear. "OK. Where do I start?" Simon said, brushing his hair off his face. He seemed nervous, and Annie and Eric looked worried. They knew more then Simon thought they did but for Simon to just come out like this, they were worried there was more. They weren't sure they wanted to hear it.  
  
"Take your time sweetie. We realise this is hard for you." Annie said in her soothing voice.  
  
"OK. Here I go. I think Matt knows most of the story. About 10 months ago now, Madison and I fell pregnant." He tensed as he watched his parents shocked reaction. "She had an abortion. I didn't want her to, I told her we could raise the baby together or she could put it up for adoption. She didn't listen though. She just kept going on about how her parents are going to kill her.  
  
"Anyway, I didn't handle it to well. I thought I was a murderer. I couldn't cope. I was really depressed. Not only did I have that going on but also I was in the middle of exams at school. I knew some guys at school who were into weed and I thought I might try it. They had offered me freebies before but I never took them. Then one day I decided to take them up on their offer. They said it would help me feel better. It did. I knew what I did was wrong but I couldn't help it.  
  
"I started taking pot regularly and going to raves. I told you I was babysitting. I was really out smoking dope and having... having sex with girls. I began to question my feelings for girls. For a while I had been thinking about Morris in a new light and well... I'm gay. I didn't handle that to well either. I should have seen a psychiatrist but I was too stubborn. I thought about how sick I was, I mean, you're always preaching against homosexuality in church dad. I... I couldn't handle it.  
  
"I started thinking weed wasn't enough. So I started taking stronger stuff like coke and E. I loved it. I felt happy. I hadn't felt happy in almost a year. Madison and I had broken up by this stage and I didn't like that. Madison was my lifeline. She was gone. She was with Morris. I felt so angry at that. I loved him and she was with him.  
  
"Anyway, I met Halo at one of these raves. He was amazing. He gave me freebies and eventually I fell out of love with Morris and in love with Halo. I knew he was bisexual He had often flirted with me. I never took him up at one of the raves." Simon's parents were listening to their son with no expression they couldn't believe the words they were hearing. Sex? Drugs? Alcohol? Homosexuality? Abortion? It was too much. They were no longer listening to the story because they wanted to. They were now listening because they had to.  
  
"Anyway, one day. I couldn't take it anymore living here. Everyone was so happy. I was cutting myself and thinking about suicide." Simon's eyes were full with tears as he told this part of the story. "I ran away. I went to Halo's. I moved in. Halo and I became an item. I started cutting myself more frequently because I felt like I was betraying you." Simon wiped his eyes. "I started using different drugs like prescription pills, I even shot up once. Then, I was going to the rave when I had my accident. I was speeding. I was close to 110km an hour. You know what happened then.  
  
"I started seeing Dr. Welsh. He helped. But then Halo died. I loved him. I know you don't understand and don't approve. But I loved him. At times I didn't think I did but, he was fun and wild and carefree and he loved me. And he's dead. He made me happy." Simon got up to get some tissues as he was now crying freely. "I started taking more of the Vicodin. It numbed my pain. I felt happier and I could sleep easier and I didn't think about Halo too much. I guess one day I took too much.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you all so much pain. I just...I don't know. I couldn't handle it and slowly my life spiralled out of control. I love you guys. And I am so sorry. I know I can never repair the damage and I know that you will never accept me being gay but... I want to try and get better. I'll go back to counselling and I'll go back to school and I'll even try and stay out of my room. Just please...will you give me another chance?"  
  
Annie and Eric sat opposite Simon dumbstruck. They didn't know what to say. Did they accept him the way he is, or did they leave him in the cold for being a homosexual? Up until now, the plan had been to get him off drugs but now, they had to question their love and his sexuality. Could everything remain the same as it use to be? Could everything go back to normal?  
  
"I'm sorry Simon." Eric said, unable to look his son in the eyes. "It's just...your mother and I..."  
  
REVIEWS? MY REVIEWS HAVE BEEN DROPPING - WHAT'S WRONG PEOPLES??? 


	25. Love Again

First of all, I would like to thank my fans of this story who have read it from the beginning. This is my last chapter. This was my first fan fiction story so it holds a lot of memories for me. Anyway, thankyou;  
  
Wisk8r -thanks. You gave me great ideas, and always gave great reviews! Thanks.  
  
Doyles-Always  
  
Black Mirror  
  
Hoedogg  
  
Cry me a river  
  
Spit fire  
  
Goblz  
  
Sara Jaye  
  
Dakota Raine  
  
The Queen  
  
Silver Wolf  
  
Sophronia  
  
Cecilia  
  
Kathrine 1980  
  
Beth  
  
Cal  
  
Mary  
  
KayKayelle (thanks for the tip on 'despair')  
  
Robbie42  
  
GirlSunday  
  
Milkyway4444 (although I think you only read like 3 chapters)  
  
Everyone who gave me ideas like Wisk8r and Milyway4444. YOU ALL ROCK!  
  
And all my other loyal fans who have read this story. THANKYOU. As you can probably tell, this story means alot to me. So, I hope you enjoyed it. And farewell! Oh, and sorry if I forgot anyone on the list.  
  
DISCLAMER: This is a work of fiction. The characters in this story are borrowed from the TV show "7th Heaven". I own no characters except for Halo, Madison and Dr. Welsh. No money is being made from this story. Any resemblance of a character in this story to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. Likewise, any resemblance between an organisation depicted in this story and any such actual organisation is purely coincidental.  
  
"I'm sorry Simon." Eric said, unable to look his son in the eyes. "It's just...your mother and I..."  
  
"Be careful what you say dad." Matt said, coming down from the stairs. "Think about this."  
  
"We have Matt, we have. You shouldn't have listened in like that though. Nor should you two either." Eric said angrily, looking first at Matt then at Lucy and Ruthy. "Simon, We're sorry, you're mother and I, we didn't understand. We didn't realise. It is going to take us a long time to get to accept this and I am not guaranteeing that we will either. But, we love you. And we're proud of you to admitting all this. We're shocked to say the least, but you're a Camden, and we'll stick by you. Just as long as you obey by our rules and tell us when something is wrong." Eric said, coming over to give Simon a hug.  
  
"We are so sorry Simon. Really. We love you so much." Annie said as she joined Simon and Eric.  
  
"Yeah us too. We're sorry we didn't understand or realise. We'll try and be nice in future and uhh...we'll uhh...try and accept this whole gay thing." Lucy said, speaking not only for herself but also for Matt and Ruthy.  
  
"Yeah, me to Simon. I should of picked up on something. You did drop quite a few hints. Sorry. It's good to have you back though." Robbie said, walking into the room.  
  
Simon sat there crying, taking it all in. "Thanks. I love you guys too. I am so sorry. I made such a mess of everything. If I could turn back time... Sorry." Simon wiped his eyes on his sweater.  
  
"It's OK Simon. It's just so good to have you back. The old you. Just one thing, have you spoken to Morris, or Madison for that matter?" Annie said as she wrapped her arms around him again. They were all standing around him now.  
  
"No, I haven't but I am going to. In fact, I think I'll call them now." Simon said as he reached for the phone and walked toward his room. "I need some privacy."  
  
After he shut the door to his room, he started to call Morris. "Hey, uhh, Morris. It's Simon. Simon Camden. Yeah, yeah, I'm back. Yeah, it's true. I'm uhh...gay. Yeah. You've been good? And Madison? Good. Look, theirs something I have got to speak to you about. Can you come over? I'll see you in 20." Simon hung up. He found out that Morris and Madison had broken up a few weeks ago.  
  
20 minutes later  
  
He heard Morris pull up out the front. He ran out to greet him.  
  
"Hey, I'm glad you came." Simon said as Morris jumped out of the car.  
  
"Yeah, me too. I've got to talk to you as well. But you first."  
  
"I don't know quite how to say this. It's been a while since Halo's death. I loved him you know. But, he's gone, and he's not the only person I love. I like you Morris. I like you a lot." Simon said, shutting his eyes.  
  
Morris remained silent for the next few minutes.  
  
"Please say something."  
  
"I like you to Simon. That's what I came over to tell you. I've liked you for a long time." At that moment, Morris reached forward and brought his lips to Simon's.  
  
"Don't stop." Simon whispered in between breaths. "I love you."  
  
"Simon, I am so sorry for the way that I hurt you. I got with Madison because I thought some how it would bring me closer to you and maybe...I was wrong. I understand about that other guy too. Halo? I know it will take a while for you to get fully over him but, I am willing to wait." Morris said, after removing his lips from a long and passionate kiss.  
  
"It doesn't matter now. And Halo? You're right, I did love him. But, part of me didn't. Part of me wanted you the whole time. I want you now. I love you Morris." Simon leant in and kissed his new partner. He turned his head to see Matt at the window staring down. At first he appeared to be glaring, but then Simon saw his expression change. He was smiling. He was happy for Simon. And for the first time in a year, Simon was happy. He felt alive.  
  
His parents accepted him, Morris loved him, and he accepted himself. He remembered the Christina Aguleria song he had heard one time. "Singing my song". He started singing it in his head.  
  
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face  
  
& Nobody's gonna bring me down today  
  
Been feeling like nothings been going my way lately  
  
So I decided right here and now that my outlooks gotta change  
  
That's why I'm gonna  
  
Say goodbye to all the tears I've cried  
  
For every time somebody hurt my pride  
  
Feeling like they won't let me live life  
  
& Take the time to look at what is mine  
  
I see every lesson completely  
  
I thank God for what I got from above  
  
I believe they can take anything from me  
  
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace  
  
They can say all they wanna say about me  
  
But I'm gonna carry on  
  
Keep on singing my song  
  
I never wanna dwell on my pain again  
  
There's no use in reliving how I hurt back then  
  
Remembering all of the hell I felt when I was running out of faith  
  
Every step I vowed to take was towards a better day  
  
Cos I'm about to  
  
Say goodbye to every single lie  
  
& All the fears I've held too long inside  
  
Every time I felt I could try  
  
All the negativity I had inside  
  
For too long I've been struggling. I couldn't go on  
  
But now I've found I'm feeling strong and moving on  
  
I believe they can take anything from me  
  
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace  
  
They can say all they wanna say about me  
  
But I'm gonna carry on  
  
I'm gonna keep on singing my song  
  
Whoa, & every time I tried to be what they wanted from me  
  
It never came naturally  
  
So I ended up in misery, wasn't able to see  
  
All the good around me  
  
They wasted so much energy on what they thought of me  
  
Simply just remembering to breathe  
  
I'm human, I ain't able to please  
  
Everyone at the same time, so now I find  
  
My peace of mind living one day at a time  
  
I'm human and I answer to one god  
  
It comes down to one love  
  
Until I get to heave above  
  
I've made the decision  
  
Never to give up  
  
Til the day I die no matter what  
  
I believe that they can do what they wanna.  
  
Say what they wanna say  
  
But I'm gonna keep on  
  
I believe it  
  
That they can take from me  
  
But they can't take my inner peace  
  
"Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna keep on singing my song." Simon said silently to himself as he leaned into kiss Morris again. He was going to keep on singing his song.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks again. THis is a long chapter! Anyway, I hope you like the ending. I might do a prologue one month soon. Tell me what you think. And as always, please review! *tear*. YOU ROCK! 


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